In the opening post of this blog, I said that I would not talk about my personal life. In just the second post from writing that, I am going to break my self-imposed rule. I found out a few hours ago that my nine year old nephew, Noah Ishee, has a rare type of bone cancer. This has completely thrown my family off our feet. He has had no pain or poor health. I am extremely close to my nephew, so I am greatly upset. I have never had anything like this happen to someone close to me.
After spending much of the last few years studying theology and philosophy, none of the answers I had for the problem of pain help any. The heart turns a deaf ear towards logic. Free will, Satan, etc. – none of those explanations do anything for me. I would imagine that it would not help anyone else in my family.
As a professor of mine once said, while we may not have an answer to the problem of pain or the problem of suffering, our faith tells us there is an answer. God is in control; He has the best interests of my nephew in mind. I have no clue how to make sense of this event, but I know that somehow, in God’s omniscience, this will turn out for the best.
Yet, in these moments, faith merely acts as an anchor in the sea of sorrows, not as a lifeboat. Faith does not remove the fears or the sorrow, the worries or the tears. It only tells us that we have a Father mightier than any sickness and more knowledgeable than any physician – in essence, we have the Great Physician. God guides over us.
This has reminded me of something that deep down I know, but that I often suppress. I spend much of my time reading and thinking, hoping to find answers to my questions in philosophy and theology. Yet, philosophy and theology has become an idol to me. I have overemphasized them. While I would not admit it, I often treat knowledge as if it is the source of hope for mankind, as if knowledge was the savior of man. I often think that many of our problems can be solved if only I have the correct answer. This is not true. While I am not belittling medical knowledge – thanks be to God that there is such a thing – I know that the true source of hope for my nephew and my family is not in medical knowledge, philosophical knowledge, or theological knowledge, but instead in the knowledge of the Great Physician.
Although I am not making a commitment but instead only thinking out loud, perhaps this event will drive me back towards ministry. I have struggled for a while about whether I want to do ministry or become a professor, but this gives me some guidance. However, I am not oblivious to the fact that professors serve in many ways also. Like I said, this is not commitment. I don’t know what I will do with my life.
However, I do know that over the next few months I will spend much time in prayer and fasting. My hope lies not in a book, but in a Man who claimed to be God.
Tags: Theology
